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06.18.08


Dylan: I want to die when there’s rain. The rain will wash away the tears.

Mason: But the tears will pool around you and surround you in sorrow and misery.

Dylan: But by then I’ll be gone. I don’t intend on staying for more than a second after I die.

Mason: Where will you go?

Dylan: Nowhere in particular, somewhere different I suppose…. To the night maybe.

Mason: Why? The night can’t stay forever.

Dylan: It’s always night somewhere in the world. At least I won’t be able to see that I have no shadow… or perhaps I am one.

Mason: Eventually you have to go to the light. Isn’t that the point of death? To find the light?

Dylan: Everyone always goes towards the light. The light blinds you and prevents you from seeing into the dark. Maybe that’s where the truth is. I need to protect myself I need to be able to see.

Mason: Everyone follows the light for a reason. It leads you to Heaven.

Dylan: Have you ever considered that Heaven never appealed to me?

Mason: Is it not preferable to Hell?

Dylan: How so?

Mason: An eternal cycle of pain as opposed to complete happiness? It’s not difficult to say which is better.

Dylan: Maybe to you happiness is the ultimate goal. I don’t think there’d be any point to existence without feeling at least some form of pain. My equilibrium would dissolve. I need to stay balanced or I may fall into an abyss of unconscious existence.

Mason: Would that not relieve you? To take a rest and sleep for awhile?

Dylan: Sleep has always been a restraint of my human body and once I’m rid of it I see no need for sleep.

Mason: I find sleep to be the only way to escape the troubles of this world.

Dylan: I just see it as a way of forgetting for awhile but that makes it so much worse when you remember.

Mason: At least you’re not in constant pain.

Dylan: If it’s constant I can learn to ignore it. Constant pain is much better than random stabs.

Mason: But death would have no pain. Eternal sleep, you’ll never wake up.

Dylan: Then you won’t be able to think.

Mason: Maybe I don’t want to think.

Dylan: Then how can you even register that you’re not in pain? How do you know that you’re still there?

Mason: Because you can dream.

Dylan: Well I dream too, but unlike you I can follow those dreams and make them reality.

Mason: Those aren’t the kind of dreams I’m talking about. My dreams are for escaping what’s really going on; nothing to do with my aspirations.

Dylan: Dreams aren’t my aspirations, they’re my subconscious thoughts. It’s the ability to let go of the structured thinking that society has implanted in us. You let yourself go and you dream and if you can only accomplish that while you sleep then you don’t know how to actually think.

Mason: I don’t understand what you mean.

Dylan: Well I guess it’s like a song. The lyrics are like your conscious thoughts; they’re obvious, easy to understand. But then there’s the music; it’s a lot less obvious, more abstract, and less direct but it’s much more intense. It’s the whole essence of the song, without the music the lyrics are much less meaningful. If you can’t dream at will you’re missing the essence of life.

Mason: So does that make music an escape for you?

Dylan: No, it’s the outlet of my dreams. When I can’t express through words I express through sounds and feelings. When you listen to a song you’re listening to a dream.

Mason: Then when can you ever escape?

Dylan: I don’t and I don’t want to. The beauty of life is expression and the beauty of death is expression. I learn to feel and I learn to appreciate every feeling, it’s what makes me human. What else could be the point of life?

Mason: I think life is a test. It prepares you for death but when it’s over you don’t have to suffer anymore. You just sleep.

Dylan: Then what would you be preparing for if death is just nothing but no feelings or true existence.

Mason: You prepare for nothing by doing something. If you know it’s just over when you die you’ll live life to the fullest.

Dylan: By escaping from feelings you’re living life to the fullest? It just seems like you’re hiding from it.

Mason: I only hide from the feelings that bring me down.

Dylan: Emotions can’t bring you down. They lift you above a mundane existence.

Mason: Even hate?

Dylan: Without hate you can’t love and without sadness you can’t feel joy. Contrast allows you to see things more clearly.

Mason: And what if you could only feel one emotion?

Dylan: Then that emotion would be nothing. You wouldn’t be able to define it or even really feel it.

Mason: You still feel it, regardless if you’ve known any other.

Dylan: Contrast and variety is everything. The more colours you have in a picture the more detail there will be. The fewer colours there are the less you can see. If a picture only has one colour, and one shade, you see nothing.

Mason: I’ve seen people who’ve lost their sight. They seem to get along fine.

Dylan: It’s not like losing a sense. That’s a really terrible thing to happen and you’ll miss what you had, but eventually you learn to deal with it and continue living your life. Losing your emotions is like losing your soul.

Mason: Your life isn’t defined by your emotions, they’re unnecessary. If your brain still functions and your body remains complete you will live.

Dylan: Then you’re not really leading a full life anymore. Your life becomes empty and with nothing for you to express life becomes monotonous. That is merely subsistence, you may still be alive, but you’re not truly living.

Mason: Life is monotonous anyways, you eat, you sleep and you wake to a life of pain. Death will free you from all that.

Dylan: If you just want to sleep why are you even still here? Why haven’t you left? Why are you alive? It seems like you’re scared of death and scared of facing the truth. Death is more than life and that scares you because you can’t handle life as it is.

Mason: You love life because you think there’s a point to it. You also love death because you think that it’s something to relish. I don’t see it the same. Life has always just been there, something forced upon me that I need to go through with. Death is just the end of that. I want to just sleep because life was never enjoyable to me. I hate my identity. If death is something more, I will live eternally with hatred towards what I am. I stay here for other reasons. I stay here because of who I love, not because of life itself.

Dylan: Love for others is enough beauty to mask all the abominable things in this world.

Mason: Love is the most powerful emotion; it makes me scared to die.

Dylan: Those who love you will always find you and when you die you’ll be with them eternally.

Mason: The way you describe it, you make death sound beautiful.

Dylan: Perhaps it is. I hear tomorrow calls for rain.