...

25.08.11

You won't take no for an answer. But I won't be the girl to satisfy you with a yes. Me saying okay, does not make this okay. It makes it fake, it makes it empty, it makes it piercing and it makes it hurt.

I am beautiful. I guess you just don't see it the way I do. You see my body. You see my hips, my stomach and my breasts. I see my heart, my mind and my soul.

I don't want to have sex, but I don't want to be raped either. That seems to be where you are drawing the line. Both are rape. Don't kid yourself.

Go away. Please.

I lost control about 3 minutes ago. I stopped saying no, and started saying, "I don't know". But I really do know. I know I mean no.

You see my body and you only want to listen to my body. You're touching me and you think I'm turned on. You don't care about my person, the part that's saying "no, no, I don't know, I don't.."

And then it's happening, and it's done, and it's official. I am sick. My heart, my mind, my soul; their pulses have weakened to almost non-existence. I shock myself to my feet, I walk the three steps to my clothes, and I hide my body as fast as I can.

You say you care about me. You say you like me. You say you're sorry.

Just shut the fuck up.

I won't believe you anymore.

...

03.30.2011

I caught my boyfriend kissing a replica
Oh god, she looked just like me
Only nice and sweet and better
But she's not bacon, boy, she's fucking sizzlean

She broke my records and she cut my hair
She broke my records and she cut my hair
He broke my records and he cut my hair
Doused out the fire in my stare

Now I live on a new street, baby
Now I live on a new street, yeah
Now I live on a new street, baby

The address number's zero
And the place is nowhere

Don't. You. Try. To. Fake. Me. Out.

...

03.25.11

The first time we had sex meant nothing.

But now, I don't know if it still does. What's inside of it? What the fuck does it mean? I ask and I get no fucking answers.

I feel like an empty shell. I'm being battered over and over again and I'm cracked. I'm fucking shattering.

I don't think you get it. I don't even think you want to get it. You don't want to capture it. You don't want to keep it.

So is this only temporary?

//Your pleasure is my pain. You enjoy sex that's devoid of any emotions, or tenderness, or meaning. I fucking hate it. But I feel like I have no control over it, I feel like it's unstoppable, even though I know it's not. But it's like I can't help hoping every FUCKING time that something will change.

Nothing's gonna change. Especially not you.

You fucking sit there and you talk and it never means anything. You do shit, just because you feel like doing shit. And that's it. WHY THE FUCK DON'T YOU MEAN ANYTHING?!?!?

I can ask you why you love me. I can ask you why you love anything that you love, and you don't even fucking know. Is it because you love my heart? Or my cunt?

Fuck you. Fuck this. Fuck me.

I'm done.

...

03.23.11

I said "I wanna come over"
You said "Okay, just come over"
Your friends are all on the couch
Your friends said "Let's walk around"

I'll pretend your friends are my friends
And I'll kinda try not to offend them
But I won't let you see anything real
I'll let you know there's limits

I stopped talking an hour ago

It's one particular point of view
This group dynamic caters to
It's a predictable point of view
I think you know when it caters to you

And if you do know
Don't act like you don't
Because it's really annoying
And if you don't know..
Well, let's just say
You're alot, lot
Stupider than I thought

I'll pretend your friends are my friends
But I don't want to hear you defend them
In fact, that kinda insults me
And I kinda don't really want to be here

I stopped talking an hour ago

Okay your whole thing
Has put me in negative space
For way too fucking long
Now all I managed to say
During that time was
I hate danger
But what I really should have said was

You're so not dangerous
You're so not what you say you are at all

...

02.03.11

The sun is setting and the day is late
As we walk over this wasteland of hate
People getting angry in the darkest hours
There's blood on the streets 'cause the streets are ours

We're warriors

Our mates are diamonds and we shine like steel
You'll never beat us down 'cause your wounds will never heal
You can't take us for a ride
You can't rob a warrior of its pride

Never forget the warriors

It's your hate on which we feed
We are the new class, we are the new breed
Send our regards to a nation on fire
And with love, a bouquet of barbed wire

We're warriors

Never forget the warriors

...

23.02.11

Cross my heart and hope to die
You can't even tell when I fucking lie
So why don't you try looking me in the eye?
Or into my heart
Because I'm asking you to
I'm asking you to

You see me and you see yourself
But when do you ever notice anyone else?
You stow me away
You keep me in chains
I'll never be like you
I won't
No I won't

...

14.02.11

I went to school with you
And honey, you had no fucking clue
Too much product in your hair
Hung around with boys who made you scared
They never cared

Never came to class
Didn't learn a goddamned thing
Jumping from abuser to abuser
Referring to their punches as a fling
Those sores fucking sting

We tried to save you
You told us we were wrong
I'm still trying to save you
That's why I wrote this song

You spent your lunches in the bathroom
Painting up your face
Throwing up your meals
Honey it was a disgrace
You never felt save in this place

Once I told you you were pretty
You laughed in my face
You never loved yourself
So you let those boys get to home base
As you drifted into space

I'm so sorry that they hurt you
What they did was fucking wrong
But you can stop it
That's why I wrote this song

You thought you were in love
You believed their fucking lies
So they used you and abused you
And now you're dead inside

We tried to save you
You told us we were wrong
I'm still trying to save you
Please just listen to my song

...

14.02.11

I want you to go
I want you to know
That I hate you so
And all the fucking boys
In your fucking band

Just shut up and get out of my car
Nothing you know won't get you far
Enough the hell away from me

All the girls can see
What you really are
So don't mind me

Now that little boy genius thinks he's a star

You think you're so cool
Breaking every rule
Ha, a boy like you?
And they all say that I knew
Better than this
Well hell, of course I did!

Gimme brains for breakfast baby
And gimme more for lunch
Throw me a bowl for dinner
Yeahh, well a girl could starve on a boy like you
With nothing left to offer
So that means that we're through
And yeah so that also means
That we're not friends
Alright?

Call, call, call, call, call
You don't know me at all
So don't try to talk
About how old is Fitz
and that your daddy's sick

A boy is good for nothing
Can't give you nothing
I'm sick of nothing
And all the girls that sing along
Go yeah, yeah, yeahh

Fuck, don't call me for charity you lack
Just watch your back
You've called all the girls with fangs
Now it's a shark attack

You think you're so cool
Breaking every a rule
A boy like you?
And all they say is that I knew
Better than this
Well hell, of course I did!

Gimme brains for breakfast baby
And gimme more for lunch
Throw me a bowl for dinner
Yeahh, well a girl could starve on a boy like you
With nothing left to offer
So that means that we're through
And yeah so that also means
That we're not friends
Alright?

...

14.02.11

She keeps standing there
Waiting to be noticed
But he's shivering
So desire of those party days
Silence fills their bodies
They turn away and leave
Maybe someday she'll understand
Why he looks at her that way

You left them behind
So have so much
But you keep waiting on their party days
You need my love
I can fill their shoes
But I don't need their fucking party days

You left them behind
So have so much
But you keep waiting on their party days
I'm looking at you
Looking at me
And we don't need their fucking party days

And we keep standing there
Maybe I could save our souls
It's aesthetic attractions
That felt so much before

You left them behind
So have so much
But you keep waiting on their party days
You need my love
I can fill their shoes
But I don't need their fucking party days

You left them behind
So have so much
But you keep waiting on their party days
I'm looking at you
Looking at me
And we don't need their fucking party days

...

11.02.11

So you want to be entertained?
Well please look away
Don't look away
We're not here because we want to entertain
Go away
Don't go away
Reality is the new fiction they say
Truth is truer these days
Truth is man-made
If you're here because you want to be entertained
Please go away
Go away

If your art is done
Johnny just get your gun
Join the rank and file
On your tv dial

You come around looking 1984
You're such a bore
1984
Nostalgia? well you're using it like a whore
It's better than before
When you came around sounding 1972
You don't do anything new
1972
Where the fuck are you?
Where's the black and blue?

If your art is done
Johnny just get your gun
Join the rank and file
On your tv dial

Look around they are lying to you
They are lying
Don't you see it is just a silly ruse?
They are lying
And I'm lying too
And all you want is entertainment?
Well rip me open
It's all free

If your art is done
Johnny just go get your gun
Join the rank and file
On your tv dial

Don't drag me down
I'm not falling down

If you wanna take a shot at me
Well get in line
Baby you've had all the shots
And I'm fine

If you haven't had enough of me
Well get in line
Yeah you deserve it
So now it's alright

You can join the mediocrity
It feels sublime
Yeah it sounds like someone pushed rewind

Yeah give it to me easily
My feeble mind
Needs time

Yeah make it sweet and syropy with rhyme

Don't drag me down
I'm not falling down

If your art is done
Johnny just go get your gun
Join the rank and file
On your tv dial

The grip of fear
Is already here
The lines are drawn
Whose side are you on?

...

10.02.09

Today the sun shines through my window right into my heart. Life is never to be expected. Life is never what you wanted. Somehow, it is always so much more.

I'm down in my basement, lying on my back with my feet against the wall and I'm listening to Kathleen Hanna on my stereo. She's seething, and uninhibited and somehow settling. She seems at peace with herself, which is something I can, in no way, claim for myself.

Society is a blister on my foot. Rubbing raw and slowing me down. It jabs and jeers at me, refusing to back out of my way. It's obvious this world was built by men for men. It's obvious where this world is trying to lead me.

But I won't follow that road towards wifehood. I won't relent and allow myself to be swept away like the other women I've seen in my life. I won't let the contractions of this world push a life of emptiness out of me. I won't give birth to my own self hatred.

Kathleen Hanna, Allison Wolf, Poly Styrene, Siouxsie Sioux, Brody Dalle, Corrin Tucker. I'm gonna be like you girls. I'm going to grow up fast, and grow up young. I'm going to shout at the top of my lungs because I believe with my wholeheartmindbody that I don't have to change myself, and in fact can morph the world around me instead, so I will be accepted.

I'm just a girl, but I'm not just any girl. I won't give in to nagging boys, I won't listen to bitching girls, I won't let the world tell me I'm not pretty enough, I'm not skinny enough, I'm too skinny, I'm not smart enough, I'm not dumb enough, I'm not fucking lady-like enough. Fuck, enough is enough.

Riot grrrl exists because I exist, and because other girls like me exist. So next time somebody tells you that you shouldn't be the way you are, or you shouldn't do something you want to do because girls aren't supposed to do it... Don't be scared to tell 'em "suck my left one."

...

10.02.11

There's graffiti all over my heart
It's not vandalism, it's fucking art
There's tattoos all over my soul
It's fucking punk rock and roll

...

09.02.11

So I've been told that I met you. And I know I must have, because I know you oh so well. You are significantly intertwined with my life. I know this must have happened recently and all of a sudden, and yet I have no recollection.

The thing is... I never noticed you stepping into my life. There was no big bang, no explosion of fireworks; you just slipped elusively into my life, embracing me, and I remained exactly the same. Perhaps that is what makes this so unusual. I've always rearranged myself, my furniture and my wardrobe to better suit whichever Him I was with. Yet, as I look around my small flat, I realize it's just how I put it after the last one left. It's me, with the tea-stained couch and the clutter of papers and that fresh scent of lemon lime that clashes so deliciously with its surroundings.

My bed is torn apart, with the blankets crumpled on the floor, but I don't need them because you keep me warm. You keep my cheeks flushed and my hair dishevelled. You make me love life. There is no doubt in my mind that I am more beautiful and more full of light than I ever was without you. I feel garnished by your presence. You make me sigh with my eyes closed, and kiss with my heart open. You play the strings of my heart like a harpsichord.

I hope you continue to orchestrate this ballad for the rest of my life, because it's the song I will never grow tired of.

...

09.02.11

Moan real loud, baby, scream!
Put on a show straight from his dreams
Make him feel proud
Make him feel big
Fake it like a pornstar
But never be pleased

Fuck that!

I fuck to come
Not to conceive
I don't fuck to please him
I fuck to please me

My pleasure's taking the wheel
His ego gets the backseat
Tell him what you want
Tell him what you need
To make you feel good
So you really want to scream

I fuck to come
Not to conceive
I don't fuck to please him
I only fuck to please me

Do him in the evening
Do him in the day
But baby don't you ever
Give your right to pleasure away

I fuck to come
Not to conceive
I don't fuck to please him
I fuck to please me

You should fuck to come
Not to conceive
Don't waste time with a man
If he won't fulfill your needs

...

09.02.11

Let's get out of here
There's too much silence, and not enough noise
We need an army of girls
To fight these fucking boys

I ain't no princess
I ain't no doll
Don't take me to the movies
Don't take me to the mall

I'm not yours to navigate
Not yours to drag around
I ain't your girlfriend
I don't want to feel gagged and bound

I ain't no trophy
So don't look so fucking proud
Don't introduce me to your mother
Don't beat me to the ground

Don't fucking touch me
Don't even take a look
Don't fucking touch me
I don't want your baited hook

I'm a girl
And I vow to be loud
I'm a girl
And I promise to be proud

I own my own body
I own my own heart
Just you try to rape me
Or tear my heart apart

You don't scare me
But I know that I scare you
In self-defense
I'm gonna beat you black and blue

I ain't no princess
Or a fucking doll
Don't take me to the movies
Don't take me to the mall

I'm a girl
And I promise to be loud
I'm a girl
And I promise to be proud

I will testify
I know my own rights
You can count on me
To put up a fucking fight

...

09.02.11

You tease me all the time
I've got nothing left to hide
Spit your guts out
I'm not clean
Nor younger anymore

You pried open my legs
You hammered my womb
You stole my first kiss
And lied to me too

You whispered affections
And liked my reactions
To the pain
To the terror

You can torture me
But please don't shoot
Don't shoot
Don't make me love something that's you
Because she'll be a part of me too
Please don't shoot your gun

...

09.02.11

Love hangs you from her thread

Encases you in a concrete bed

To lie there

As if happiness could save you

And an armoured heart will break you

You'll die there

.

There's nowhere to go

So in love lies our hope

Be our saviour

.

But she lies

A noose she ties

For her graveyard

All these romances died

From the knots that she tied

They'll hang here

.

On love's gallows