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03.25.11

The first time we had sex meant nothing.

But now, I don't know if it still does. What's inside of it? What the fuck does it mean? I ask and I get no fucking answers.

I feel like an empty shell. I'm being battered over and over again and I'm cracked. I'm fucking shattering.

I don't think you get it. I don't even think you want to get it. You don't want to capture it. You don't want to keep it.

So is this only temporary?

//Your pleasure is my pain. You enjoy sex that's devoid of any emotions, or tenderness, or meaning. I fucking hate it. But I feel like I have no control over it, I feel like it's unstoppable, even though I know it's not. But it's like I can't help hoping every FUCKING time that something will change.

Nothing's gonna change. Especially not you.

You fucking sit there and you talk and it never means anything. You do shit, just because you feel like doing shit. And that's it. WHY THE FUCK DON'T YOU MEAN ANYTHING?!?!?

I can ask you why you love me. I can ask you why you love anything that you love, and you don't even fucking know. Is it because you love my heart? Or my cunt?

Fuck you. Fuck this. Fuck me.

I'm done.