...

09.07.09

It's unfortunate how many times I'm honked at on my way home. The disrespectful yells and unashamed stares disgust me. I hate my body. I want to slice up my thighs, gouge out my stomach, mutilate my face. Anything to divert their eyes from my body. My body holds no beauty, it's merely the vehicle for Me. My being. But nobody sees her.
Everyone sees this grunged-up, locked away Kristyn who is apparently only a sex object. Nobody sees me.
I suppose I hide from everyone and it's pathetic that I wait for someone to find me. Nobody can find me. I'm too lost, too dark, too cluttered. And yet, I'm never really alone. I'm always surrounded by friends, family, lovers... and yet it all seems like such a false idea.

×××

It's truly sad how even though he says he only has eyes for you, we all know he doesn't. Boys lie. Always. There's no exception to this rule and it's silly for us to suppose there is. To even hope is to let yourself fall to a shattering ending.
I used to wish that everyone was blind, but I realize that would be selfish. Now I only wish that I were invisible. I wish that me and him were alone. No... I wish I were alone.

×××

Dead men don't rape.